Tuesday, 25 January 2011

THE FACES OF A JANUS

#FOOD FOR THOUGHT BY GUEST BLOGGER Ibhade.
I believe we have come across some Janus [es] in our lives? People who display double standard? They dish out advice on issues with tongue- in -cheek-attitude. But when a similar thing happens to them, their reaction is different from the solution they suggested to someone else! And when you ask them why? They would say my case is different! How different?, you might wonder! Some would say, LAI! LAI! i can't do or accept such a thing o, but behind you, they would be speaking in a different language!

I was ranting about how unfair a man was who married a 2nd wife when his first wife could not conceive after many years. When i paused, a man listening all along then asked me if the man was my brother nko? My initial response was to say ; I REJECT IT IN JESUS NAME! Then begin saying the usual consolation talk; TRUST IN GOD, HAVE FAITH & blah, blah, & blah! But an inner voice asked; ARE YOU BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF? I clamped up! Looked at the man askance who had been watching me silently as the emotions played on my face , then muttered ; I DUNNO. Which is the honest truth my friends...IF it happens, would i rant like i was doing back then or play the understanding card?

It is easy for us to dole out advices, when it is not happening to us, but when we wear the shoe & knows where & how it hurts, we might be surprised by our own reaction. HUMAN BEINGS are highly deceptive, some would tell you it does not matter, kini big deal? but would they say so when it affects them? Like when i read in DEE'S blog a post where she said, a man came on air to complain that his fiancee jilted him a day to their wedding. People called in & lamblasted this gal. When the gal called back & said that, she found out the guy was impotent few days to their wedding! It was the same Nigerians that called back to abuse the guy, that he was wicked!...haha! human beings! Like i commented, i go pick my slippers & run kia! kia! like mary onyali sef! ...did i hear someone say love?...abegiii....when wahala shele, love go jump out of the window f-i-a-m! SEX is the koko in marriage oo! [abi i lie my fellow sisters?...hehehe].

I started a 'fight' in Linda's blog when i advised that a man should not make his wife his next of kin & should seek the court to address the issue than to have brought the matter to the public to be mocked & insulted since his wife refused to change her maiden name to his after 7 years of marriage. M-E-H-N! Come see as insults dey fly left, right & center. I didn't get involved in the fight because i know when & where to pick my battles & in this case, silence is golden. I know, many would disagree with me, pls be kind o, & state your POV in a civil manner, no hitting below the belt, because i won't turn the other cheek o....KAI! i sabi court trouble sha oo! Wetin dem never call me for blogsville for speaking bluntly? FASTO, DEVILISH, HYPOCRITE, IGNORAMUS, UN-EDUCATED, ILLITERATE!..hahahahahaha...walahi! dem no go fit wound me at all! I DEY KAMPE GIDIGBAM! :)

Lets be truthful to ourselves, there are some things we cannot tolerate, but expect others to do so, why? Is not fair! Like a situation where a man told his mother to go back to her matrimonial home after staying with him for 2years because of the friction between his wife & her. He had always ignored his wife complaints saying she was intolerant, until he witnessed an episode himself by chance. His sister came, spitting fire & brimstone that he cannot do that! He insisted & she went back her her hubby who had sent her away initially because of her troublesome attitude with the other wives in his house! I said to myself, is the sister mother-in-law living with her? If she so loves her mother, then she should stay with her, shikenna! Tell me, which woman likes her mother-in-law to stay with her? Even the men, barely tolerant their mother-in-laws, but they keep quiet as long as the home is peaceful & the wife is not complaining!

Who is your confidant? We live in a communal society that instead of going to shrinks /therapist to discuss issues, we rather talk with friends or relations. Some are sincere but some speak from the 2 -sides of their mouth! SO BE CAREFUL! How do you know such people?... YOU DON'T! UNTIL YOU CATCH THEM RED-HANDED! So when people talk, listen to the 'tone' then watch their faces, especially their eyes, if experienced enough, you might catch a flick of mockery or sarcasm from their face & in their words. I read in the papers on Sunday, how a couple found out his wife- to- be is HIV+ while he is negative. He is confused on what to do, hence, he seek the public opinion. By next week, when i read the replies, SOME would tell him to go ahead, & trust in GOD. SOME would question the love he claims to have for her. SOME would play the 'stigmatization' card. SOME would say it is suicidal! And i nitty-gritty say; HE SHOULD CALL OFF THE WEDDING BECAUSE HE WOULD BE LIVING IN FEAR OF BEING INFECTED PERIOD!....harsh?...If he was your brother nko? or the case is reversed & it's the man that is positive, would you allow your sister to marry him?...please lets be truthful to ourselves & STOP playing the religious & sentiment card! Like i read in 9jablogs when Aiysah wrote about her personal problem. She said, a woman asked Prophet Mohammed if she should tie her donkey or trust in GOD to protect it. The Prophet said. TIE YOUR DONKEY & THEN TRUST IN GOD! ...shikenna!

Why do best friends fall apart after many years of friendship huh? Simply because one of them have developed the FACES OF A JANUS, over the years, & the other party just realized it! What makes people to have the faces of a JANUS...envy? sadist? material gains? wickedness?...i really dunno....that is why we should know where to draw the line when confiding in people & put our trust in GOD alone! Thanks.

4 comments:

Ibhade {NG} said...

Wow! ..i am humbled sis..thanks very much for finding my post interesting enough to paste on your blog.

Anonymous said...

Yes, i saw the 'fight'. You, not responding shows maturity on your part, though i do not agree with your advice.

I like the analogy;the faces of a Janus. Some Nigerians are hypocritical.I believe before anybody comes to the public to ask for advice, he or she must have had an idea or solution in solving the problem.They just need an assurance to know if they are toiling the right path. But from experience, the person always end up following his or her own decision.

Anonymous said...

ibhade.....you are a REALIST....to the core! and l adore you for that.l also feel you, your writing is so personal. that why l am an addict of HME, l feel her anytime she writes not some 'copy and paste' blog site.

Ibhade {NG} said...

@ANONYMOUS 17:19...Thank you very much for the compliment as for HME..you are so right...not a copy & paste blog like some others o jare that bores me seriously! :))