Thursday, 14 February 2013

14 THINGS I HATE ABOUT VALENTINE BY TITI REJU

This post was written by @titireju and its describes the way i feel, it was gotten VIA icr8media.com.
                                                                      
She had poked me right at the entrance of Brown’s Cafe and immediately uttered “I’m sorry, please can I have you interviewed?”
I answered “okay ma” as I walked towards her camera.
“So what does Valentine mean to you?” She asked stretching her microphone.
“I wish I knew”, I said smiling.
“What do you do on Valentine’s day?” She questioned curiously
“What I do on every other day”
I could sense disbelief but every answer I gave is the truth. Then I quickly suggested to her that I was the “wrongest” person for this interview so as not to waste more time.
She ignored and asked again “so is it safe if I conclude that you’re anti-valentine?”
I’m not. It’s just that I do a lot of loving, giving, sharing and sometimes I go extra miles on regular days. So I simply don’t break my head over Valentine.
She thanked me for my time and I hoped that meant she finally understood.

In my opinion, Valentine craze is sickening. I strongly feel it is OVERRATED and believe me I will appreciate every effort made for Valentine’s Day better if it were on any other day. So here’s my list of what makes Valentine so ugh!

The anticipation
It all starts with the many bbm  status messages that read “Valentine’s day loading” Shebi after you’ve finished loading, later today you will be in your house and still update “in my happy place with the bbm love struck smiley” , I know your type and I’m yet to understand you, but God is watching you sha. I can’t exactly explain it when I come across countdowns to February 14th. I know people who take Valentine’s day even more personal than their birthdays/wedding anniversaries. You need to chill biko

The hype
The radio, the television, the blogs… Everyone is talking about Valentine. It’s either radio stations are hyping a show for Valentine, and Aisha is reminding Alhaji how she needs to buy a table worth 1 million naira for a better view of Kim K’s baby bump, or the blogs are giving away discounted spa treatments and candle lit dinner for two. Ugh!

Thirst for gifts
This usually ends up tragic when after the long wait and high expectations, all you get is a teddy bear, key holder and a bottle of Eva wine. Don’t you worry child, your case is better than that of Temi who won’t get a simple card or the key to the Range Rover sport she had been hinting Chuks about, but will still pack her bags to spend this weekend with him in Abuja. And there are those who have by themselves ordered cakes and cream to deliver a cake that reads “I love you boo” to their offices, I will be praying for you. May God send your lover or “manager” your way sooner than you imagine.

All Red everything
So I walked into party perfect sometime last month and I noticed the “redness” but I had no idea until I walked to the card section and I was forced to call on one of the store attendants to help me search for a birthday card amongst the one million RED Valentine cards on the shelf (yes, I also expected they should have separated the shelves). Like that was not enough, the sight of mannequins in ugly red outfits is beyond me and someone reading this already has a red outfit to rock today. I hate seasonal color codes but if at all you choose to be a part of it, do it right

Emphasis on sex
I’m yet to figure out why a large number of people belong to the school of thought that Valentine is incomplete without sex. Yes, you have sex on a regular day, so what’s the fuss about? And I can bet someone somewhere is shopping for a new set of RED lingerie and handcuffs. The Lord is your strength

Proposals
This is a simple note. Dear future husband, I don’t want to be proposed to on Valentine’s Day. Thank you

Over populated restaurants
I totally hate eating out on public holidays or a day that has been set aside to do one thing or the other. If I ever decide to do this with you, note that you are very special. I will rather have specially homemade breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner… and have the restaurants spare me the CROWD, their overpriced Valentine menu list and what have you.

The movies
Here, I tend to feel for every single person who will stay home and hope to find solace in one of the many love themed movies that will be showing on television, but instead end up wishing ”le boo” existed.

Confessions
It’s so cute how a lot of people become poets on Valentine’s Day. No there’s absolutely nothing wrong. All I’m saying is, show as much love on every other day and remind your loved ones as many times as possible how much you love and cherish them. Don’t wait until someday in February, if that’s your case, it’s simply “oju aiye” (eye service)

The extra mile
I don’t break my head over Valentine but yes I could break my head over my lover’s birthday (I’m on my way to repent from being a birthday freak). When I see people plan for Valentine like it’s their wedding, I find it hard to comprehend. Like why plan to spend more than you can afford just to please a lover or any person for that matter?

The exotic trips
I knew people used to save for Valentine back then in secondary school but it was never so serious.  A colleague shared his plans with me on Monday while I was being naughty and nosy about Valentine. What he said: “I will send my girlfriend a cake, flowers and gifts on Valentine’s Day, and then we’ll be going to Ghana on Friday for the weekend. Our stay will include a spa treatment, shopping and maybe movies. I don dey save for this getaway since November o. I don’t go for vacations normally but I just want to make her happy”

I applauded him and said just a very simple prayer “May she not be on her period”

The competition
Not sure if this happens with the guys but I’m sure later today, a clique of girl friends or maybe best friends will be eager to discuss with each other their Valentine experience(s) with either a lover of six months, or a lover of five years and also show off the material gifts. It’s only normal, not everyone will end up happy


The hurt
In an interview I had with Lami Phillips sometime last month, in as much as she’s not so big on Valentine, she admitted she’ll sulk if she doesn’t get anything from the one who has her heart. Oh well, Lami is married. Just so you know, the only reason why you might be wetting your pillow tonight is if you’re over expectant. Keep Calm and Let Jesus be ya Valentine.

The morning after
No matter how amazing Valentine’s day/night turns out to be, you will have to wake up tomorrow and get back to reality. Reality here might mean different things. While some people are waking up in the arms of their husbands, wives, fiancé and fiancées, Tola is cussing Kunle for not showing up with even a “promise ring” on their 7th Valentines Day together. Cupid never promised February 14th was going to be a happily ever after something though.

Have a splendid Valentine’s Day People and never stop showing your loved ones how much you care about them. It goes beyond the gifts and flowers.

Thanks for reading

…TITI REJU @TitiReju

3 comments:

simply mee said...

Whoooopingggg! Laughing so hard!
Happy val day HME.
How are you doing?

Anonymous said...

TRUTH WELL TOLD.

HOMEMADE ENTERTAINMENT said...

lol, you too dear @simplemee.
i'm good you?